This post has been written, rewritten and deleted more times than I care to think of. And now as we enter the second month of the new year I questioned whether it was a bit stale to post it so late, considering the rest of the blogosphere seemed to get theirs out there in December.
But then, while I was sitting in a meditation, all of a sudden something deep inside told me that 2014 deserved to be recognized. Actually, 2014 demanded to be.
But how do I salute the year that was? I thought. The only salute that seemed fitting was of the single-finger variety.
At various social gatherings where the standard “so how was your year?” questions were asked I had a pre-recorded answer waiting in the wings;
“Pretty f*cking sh!t”.
Subtle isn’t it? And this is from someone who rates her positive attitude pretty highly.
You see, in my head I had glued together a little collage of the memories of the year. It looked a little something like this…
Yep – those are actual snap shots of my year. It was a whole lotta sickness, not much energy, massive unexplained weight gain and a fair bit of hiding from the world in my bed wondering what the f*ck was happening to my body.
What an awful year. Woe is me. Pity party. Whinge whinge complain. Bad hair. Meh.
Not the most compelling read.
So after ANOTHER failed attempt at wrapping it up in a bow I shut the laptop, about-turned and welcomed 2015 with open arms. And rightly so. It feels like an engagement party up in here. The collective energy is deliciously palpable. It’s all excitement, love, possibility and promise. 2014 in comparison… well… it was kinda like a wake.
But that niggle kept itching.
But something told me to keep scratching that bloody infuriating itch that was telling me to give it the closure it needed. So I whacked on my jodhpurs and buckled up – determined to tap this summary into life.
Well if I can’t write it, I thought, maybe some pictures can come up with the words that I can’t. So instead I opened up my photo folders and started putting together some collages.
What I found was pretty amazing.
I found pictures that made me burst out with laughter. Pictures of my baby daughter growing into a hilarious, fearless little girl…
Digging a little deeper I found this guy. Love of my life. Most supportive partner in the world. Swoon-worthy dad. Dreamer. Inventor (of some fairly questionable inventions but hey… the creativity gets bonus points). Dreamboat.
A bit further into the pile I found pictures of our little unit together on a holiday. My miniature flat-faced stalker, Sir Pug. Obsessively devoted and always entertaining. Then Allen – the dog with the biggest heart in the entire world. And under-bite.
Then my wonderful family; my driving force in life. Pictures of the time I asked my Dad to babysit Lucy for 5 minutes. I left yoghurt to entertain them. I returned to the picture, top left. Shots that to me scream love. These people that make life colourful. That have swooped in when I have been sick and have made me laugh when I have been well.
And the friendships. These people lit me up, made me smile, made every silence comfy (although silences are rare), challenged me, motivated me, explored with me, supported me without question and helped without asking.
A lesson started become blatantly clear at this point. So I kept going. Kept compiling and smiling as I got deeper into the folders.
There were mornings. And sunsets. And sunrises. And twilight strolls where no words were needed.
I met, absorbed, learnt from and was inspired by so many amazing people…
And had adventures. So many adventures.
To tell you the truth after getting through the photos I was moved to tears.
It brought me to my knees just how wonderful the year had been. So many laughs, adventures and times of genuine happiness. Celebrations, milestones, play. The fact that I had been so ungrateful made me feel really, really silly. And that’s when the epiphany hit me.
The problem wasn’t that my health was missing – it’s that my gratitude was!
Sure the sickness didn’t help but as the old saying goes, if you can’t be grateful for what you have then you will never be grateful for what you receive. I preach about having gratitude every day of the week and twice on Tuesdays, yet I still got too up in my own head to practice it. Lesson learned. Well played, 2014 – you tricky bastard!
So 2014 – thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
Thank you for showing me what I am made of.
For teaching me a huge lesson with a relatively small amount of discomfort.
For reminding me that gratitude is the key to happiness.
And for setting me up for an unbelievable 2015.
What were you grateful for in 2014?
I’d love to hear in the comments…